so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
