He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
