his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
