Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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