Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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