If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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