she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
