the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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