It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
