I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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