Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
