Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize