Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
