no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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