Swine flu. Run for my life!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize