I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
