Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
