I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
