Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I AM VODKA MAN
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
