so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
