i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
