O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
