can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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