So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
