Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
