Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
