he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
