Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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