I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
