just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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