Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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