This dress was meant to end up on your floor
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How external is "for external use only"?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
