puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
