im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Drunk is not a location!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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