i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm too high and old for this...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize