Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
