Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
