Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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