I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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