anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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