just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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