walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
