You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
