so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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