The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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