im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
