Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize