No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
