Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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