maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
