if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
