How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
