I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
