Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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