A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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