dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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