conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
