Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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