i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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