i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
