I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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