i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
