maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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