That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
