dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
