hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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