I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
