honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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