every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
