Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
