Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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