yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
