oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
