When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize