i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
