I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
