If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
