I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
