i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
