It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
