You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
