I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
