No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
