i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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