Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
