i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
