god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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