Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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