I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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