the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
