I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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