just tell him i said nine months
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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