I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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