Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
