I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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