She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Never underestimate the power of titties
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
