I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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