I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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