She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize