I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
