Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
