She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
