So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
