No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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