ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
