Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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